Your health or mine?

Sometimes health nuts drive me crazy. I was behind one such meathead last night at a popular burrito place which name rhymes with NickNolté. This muscle-bound annoyance was simply over the top. He was so ultra specific with the making of his tortillaless burrito. At one point I really thought he was going to jump the counter and count the number of black beans the were issuing him. He needed a very certain number of calories in his meal. He wasn't going to settle for less and would have administered much roid rage if they dared to go over his calorie limit. He even made the burrito builders move a sliver of cheese that was on the counter, as to ensure that it would not end up in his dinner. Everything he said was loud and very demanding. He wanted the burrito rules rewritten just for him. A red basket for his entree? Hardly. His pile o' protein must be laid out on paper on top of one of their circular silver trays. Why? Because he needed to eat his calories in a certain order. I'm not even lying, that's what he said.

Here's the thing. If you want to take care of your body, I'm all for it. I think it's smart, I think it's the right thing to do, and the way I read it, it's biblical. But taking care of yourself is a very personal thing. I can't take care of your body and quite frankly I don't want to. You taking care of you doesn't really involve me. So here are a few ground rules for you people that are fanatical about your health:

No one cares but you.

I don't need to know how many calories you eat per day.

You don't need to report how many miles you run each day.

Yes, I am going to eat that donut.

I don't need to know how much you bench.

You are able to work out for hours each day because you don't have a life.

You don't have a life because you work out for hours each day.

Obsession is obsession. Even if it's obsession over something healthy.

I'll take care of me, you take care of you.

See, there is a line a lot of us cross. We try to do what's right. We try to do what's good. But occasionally we cross that line where it starts being a lot less about us doing the right thing simply to do the right thing. It becomes us doing the right thing to show off or impress. Why would anyone need to tell me how many miles they ran before coming to work? It's simply to try and impress me. If it wasn't about that, you would simply go run your five miles and not tell a soul. Do I tell you that I pooped before coming to work? Of course not. Because it's not necessary. Me pooping isn't about you. It doesn't affect you. Is it because you need approval? Or you simply need to boast?

Listen, I don't high five people because they get a good night's sleep. I don't pat people on the back because they tell the truth. So I'm also not going to make a fuss over you because you eat well or because you run or workout. You're doing what you're supposed to do. Big whoop. I wish we all would stop celebrating mediocrity.

Just do what you're supposed to do. Be humble. Don't make a big deal about it. Don't be proud. Don't seek approval for normalcy. Just do what you're supposed to do.